Did you hear the story? The one of the boy and girl who thought they were in love, they gave themselves to each other, loved each others’ bodies, did everything together… One day, the girl, went against all odds and confessed her love. She told the boy that she’s fallen in love with in. Truly, madly, deeply in love with him. She looked at him full of expectations, after all, didn’t they spend time together, took care of each other and shared their dreams as one? Instead, he shunned her, scorned her and rejected her. He told her she was nothing, nothing to him. Never was and never will be.

Sounds familiar?

Been awhile since I wrote in here. I wonder why… Have I been caught up in the whirlwind of life or just fell out of love with writing? Do writers often wall into a deadlock of writer’s block? Can you hate something you used to love or is this feeling all part and parcel of occupational hazard.

I have gazillion questions in my head. Where to next? Who? What? When? Where? How? I’m moving faster than lightspeed. Swept away.

I remember once, a past lover held me close in the still of the night, twirled a lock of my hair, leaned in close and whispered into my ear, “The future is bright.”

I looked at him with bright eyes shining with love - all the love my then 18 year-old self could master - and replied, “The unknown is scary.”

“That’s what makes it so beautiful,” he whispered back. In a voice so soothing, recalling it gives me chills and makes my heart leap.

12 years on. I still love him with all my heart; and sometimes I genuinely wished we’d never part. This is the boy who inspired me; believed in me; saw beauty in me that no one else saw - he was my heart, my soul, my everything. Because we thought life would be better if we walked our own paths. Because we know how destructive our love could be. Because he gave me so much strength and without him I’d be weak.

Letting go was the single most difficult decision I’ve made in my adult life. And till this day, I still believe. That my future is bright; his future is bright; our futures are bright - even if it isn’t together.

Into the great unknown we leap. Fear confronted; doubts tossed aside; loneliness cast away. Even alone, I am destined for greater things.

That’s what makes it okay that we could never be. That we once were and shared our lives.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you…

I love this song.

It didn’t take me long to forget you. Your dishonesty did it. So thank you.

And I regret nothing. For my love is whole, truthful and something you’ll never feel again. Thank you again, I’m happy. Happier than I ever thought possible.

Sometimes I forget how much strength my family provides me. I’m blessed. To know that no matter what happens, I’ll have a roof over my head, a shoulder to cry on and food on the table. How often we take these for granted. How easy it is to forget to tell them ‘I love you’.

This is my love shout out to my family. Young and old. Near and far. Big love.

As we draw closer to my big 3-0, I feel a lot of the anger, pain and disappointment that I held onto for years slipping away. It’s never too late to let yourself live again. And it’s nice to see myself setting rules of my own. I was never governed by rules and regulations, just emotions. Now, these parameters keep me from straying and away from self-destruction. I am reliving my coming of age. I love life so much more since the day I stopped loving the people who never loved me to begin with. Life works in funny ways.

And you dear reader… How is 2012 treating you so far? God bless. xxx

Sometimes or most times I really hate the shit I have to put up with on a daily basis. Some people are just complete assholes. I wonder how they sleep at night.